My oh my how gyms have changed!

Having rejoined a local gym recently, I thought I’d break from the norm and write a non-automotive, lifestyle blog for a change.

Now first of all I need to be honest. I’ve always found the gym a slightly awful place which has the unmatched ability to potentially cause me either a great deal of pain if I actually display some physical exertion, or a considerable amount of shame and general self-loathing if I get on any elliptical and zone out for a completely useless 30 minutes. Basically a lose:lose situation in my mind. Yes I know, it's healthy, endorphins, blah blah blah.

So this has usually always been my starting point upon entering this so-called fitness haven. But, having been out of it for a while, my first visit back has now reminded me of all the other things I seriously don’t like about the gym; in no particular order:

Men on ellipticals: Given my innate laziness (which actually goes flawlessly with a heavy dose of vanity), I have a particular love for the elliptical, especially the one's with TV's on them so I can multi-task physical fitness with mindless television. What I don't like is finding that there are none available and I will have to actually run because all of the machines are filled with men! Sorry guys, but I always thought it was an unspoken rule that the ellipticals are reserved solely for women. Apparently not any longer it seems, and as I'm looking at all these men I'm thinking "Find a bike! Run in the cold! Go crush some weights. But get off my bloomin’ cardio machine!"

People walking on treadmills: In my opinion treadmills can only be used for two credible reasons: running above a 5-6 speed, and walking a very steep incline at rapid pace. Any other activity should be strictly prohibited from treadmill usage. There is nothing more annoying than seeing no empty machines and someone leisurely strolling on the treadmill. I want to shout out "Go outside and do that and get some fresh air whilst you're at it!"

Germaphobes v the very sweaty: I am all for keeping the gym as sanitary as possible, but the people who spend six years wiping down a single weight machine, use it for 30 seconds and then spend another few minutes re-sanitising it are seriously deluded. Now I understand if there is sweat dripping off the tricep machine for example, but hey, it is a gym after all! There are germs and lots of sweaty people in these places...and these germaphobes are holding up the natural line of weight machine progression by spraying (what I'm sure is only dirty tap water any way) on every station and giving it the complete rub down. Of course, on the flip side of my coin, I wish the "serious sweater" would realise that while I can take the fact that their grimy hands were all over the same machine that I'm about to use, I'm really not into touching weights lubed up with their sweat and I feel my head screaming at them "For pity’s sake, bring a towel will ya!"

And so to my final honorary mentions:
1. People being too comfortable with nudity in the changing room;
2. People chatting relentlessly and very loudly in the sauna;
3. Rather obese people with revealing, tight fitting workout gear 3 sizes too small for them;
4. Men in head-to-toe under-armour (it is a gym after all and not American football);
5. People talking on mobile phones while on a machine.

Hmmmm, I wonder if these are the same peeps who park across two parking spaces, hug the middle lane doing 65mph, use their mobile phone whilst driving (without hands-free), and do a week’s worth of shopping at the local petrol station whilst leaving their car at the fuel pump?

I think I'll stick to swimming.....